


I see a calculated misunderstanding

by AnAngryRat



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 04:24:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnAngryRat/pseuds/AnAngryRat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek likes television, comic books, math and Stiles Stilinski. Just not in that order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I see a calculated misunderstanding

Part One: Misconceptions

Derek has been in denial for Stiles for approximately 1,488 hours. Stiles on the disastrously unfortunate other hand had been in love with Lydia Martin for approximately 70,080 hours. Derek bites his lip in frustration. He understands that he is in fact bi, and has an unhealthy fascination with Stiles Stilinski, and that this is going to end up in heartbreak. It’s going to crush his fragile teenage soul into a thousand and one pieces then force him to place them in horcruxes so he can live forever knowing he was in an unrequited love. Derek places his head on his desk and starts to convert the hours to seconds by hand in order to stop his brain from continuing in the poignantly dramatic fashion it was going. 

Mr. Ybarra begins reading out names for the next history project. Derek wants to shut off his brain because he’s going to be stuck with a lab partner in which he does all the work, turns it in, gets an A, and the fucker will call him once just to see if how far he had gotten. He hates group projects.

“Derek Hale and…” Ybarra rubs his temple and sighs out agitatedly, “Stiles Stilinski.”

“Love ya too, Dick,” Stiles says waving flirtatiously. Mr. Ibarra bites his lip and nearly rips the paper in half, before continuing on. Derek and hides a secret smirk. Stiles won this battle, but the haggard teacher will most certainly win the Cold War. Derek is still watching Stiles as he turns in his chair and waves at Derek giving him a thumbs up. Derek smiles and nods in acknowledgement, before Stiles turns back to face the teacher. 

It has been 5,356,800 seconds that Derek has been in denial for Stiles and approximately thirty seconds since he decided to do anything about it.  
*  
Turns out Stiles is the one to come to him. Derek is idling after class attempting to grow enough balls to actually talk to his peer when Stiles taps him on the shoulder. Derek turns sharply hooking his bag over his shoulder. Stiles takes a surprised step back.

“Uh…can I get your cell number?” Stiles asks suddenly nervous. Derek quirks a curious eyebrow and shrugs, “Sure, depends on whether you have a phone or not.” 

Smooth Der, insulting a mans intelligence by way of flirtation, smooth, Derek’s inner Laura whispers to him. He tries his best not to flinch at his own words. Stiles starts to chuckle softly, Derek watches enraptured. He’s bending over pulling out his own phone the chuckles reverberating through out his whole body and hands it over. Derek takes it and pulls out his own to do the same.

“Didn’t know you were equipped with a sense of humor,” Stiles says good heartedly, typing furiously into the phone.

“Wasn’t that funny,” Derek answers handing the phone back. Stiles looks at him strangely and Derek flushes. Derek’s the first to break eye contact before practically running out of the room. Leaving poor Stiles probably bewildered and confused. Derek bangs his head against his locker. Which hurts like hell, ow… Ten seconds later he receives a text.  
Meet at my house 2nite for project Y/N?

What is he, five? Derek responds back with: Yes. 

He gets his address. Which happens to be on the other side of Beacon Hills and Derek has to ride his shitty ass bike there. This fact doesn’t keep Derek from grinning like an idiot all the way to Calculus.  
*  
Derek shows up on the Stilinski’s doorstep in the mid afternoon cover in sweat and shirtless. And self-conscious. Over all it takes a lot for Derek to man up and knock on the door instead of stare at it like an idiot. 

Stiles opens the door and turns red all over. Derek covers himself up a bit and asks to come in.

“Yeah shirtles- would be great,” Stiles says opening the door wide and welcoming. Derek walks in and takes note of the small homely house that is almost the exact opposite of his own home. 

“Is your dad home,” Derek asks following Stiles into the kitchen and depositing his backpack.

“Naw, he won’t be back until late,” Stiles says. Home alone, half naked, with Stiles Stilinski. Derek immediately deviates that train of thought before following after Stiles. He leans into the fridge to grab something to drink. Then turns and jumps a foot in the air finding Derek in his personal space.

“What are you, a ninja?” Stiles groans then continues with, “Why are you shirtless,” covering his eyes.

Derek backs away to give him room thinking that’s the problem. He uncovers an eye and moans. Derek looks at him self there’s not much to look at but if it’s making Stiles uncomfortable he might as well put on his soiled shirt. Stiles makes an obscene noise then appears to be acting normal. Derek sets himself up at the table feeling uncomfortable in the smelly sweat soaked shirt. 

“So…,” Stiles starts awkwardly, “I was thinking we could do the history of eating penis’s under the belief that they increase fertility.”

Derek dribbles soda all over himself. This isn’t an uncommon occurrence considering that braces weren’t created for easy drinking access but you would think that by year three he would have figured out how to not look like a total looser. On the other hand it’s not everyday you hear about the consumption of penes. He awkwardly cleans himself off with his shirt while Stiles continues to discuss the topic. 

“…I think it would piss him off more than anything,” Stiles says then looks up at Derek who is sniffing his acrid smelling shirt like a trained monkey, “Did you have any ideas?”

“Uh…” Derek says smartly, dropping his shirt. “I was thinking the history of using wolves to hunt.” Stiles scrunches up his nose in distaste. 

“…but with the direction you’re going in we might as well do the history of contraceptives,” Derek adds.

Stiles snickers, then taps his pencil rhythmically on the desk.

“That topic is less likely to get us kicked out of school but still controversial. I like the way you think Hale,” he says comically tapping his head. Hearing his last name used in that context on Stile tongue makes Derek’s intestines do strange things.

“Thanks?” 

Stiles smiles again secretly, and Derek remains totally and utterly confused. The rest of the study session continues fairly normally in contrast to the first fifteen minutes. And Derek doesn’t make even more of an ass of himself, which is a step up in his book. Stiles talks for the both of them, which is also great, because if Derek had to say penis again he might actually pass out from blushing too much. 

On his way out he takes off his soda and sweat soaked shirt, he’s so lucky that he wasn’t wearing the Darth Vader shirt or it would have been a true tragedy.

Stiles coughs in the entryway. Derek rolls his eyes.

“What?”

“Why the uh… shirtlessness,” Stiles says looking away.

“I had to bike five miles in 102 degree weather, Stiles, things happened,” Derek answers vaguely.

Stiles looks surprised. Derek tilts his head, waiting for a response. Stiles just grabs his keys off the hook and walks past Derek towards the door.

“Common I’ll give you a ride home, just ask if you need one, it’s no problem,” he says, gesturing for Derek to follow him. Derek shrugs to himself, and follows.  
*  
Derek collapses on his bed and tries to hide self-crushing despair with cold hard calculated truth. After a minute or so of trying to figure out the gravitational pull of Stiles Stilinski, and compare it to the gravitational pull of Derek Hale, Laura walks in.

“Who was the lovely pair of gluteus maxims that drove you home my lovely, Der?”  
Derek’s left eye begins to twitch and he absently rubs his hand over it in hopes to make it stop. Laura comes to sit on the edge of the bed after throwing a shirt over his head.

“Would that be the luscious Stiles you always talk about?” Laura questions, exaggerating her ls. Derek feels his entire face contort in anger, and tries to keep it under control while pulling on his shirt.

“Well, Laura,” Derek snaps, “He might have been if he wasn’t talking about your luscious hair, when he dropped me off.”

Not true. It was more along the lines of “You’re so unattractive I forget how much I want to bone the rest of your family.” Not in those words. What he actually said was “Jesus, Derek, I forgot how gifted your family is,” just as Laura and Eric walked by. Still it hurts. 

Laura’s mood changes immediately. “It’s okay,” she says soothingly grabbing his face, “ We all go through an ugly duckling stage.” 

Derek punches her in the stomach. 

“I’m kidding,” she huffs out, “You have perfect skin, dry wit, and my eyes. Half the school should want to get in your pants by now.”

Derek turns away from her. “It’s probably the Pokémon shirt,” he says half-heartedly.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it the way you think he did,” Laura responds softly petting his hair.

Derek puts his face in his hands. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“Great,” Laura taking that as a sign to return to bitch status, “now go take a shower, dead things have smelled better than you.”

Derek shoves her off the bed, on his way to the bathroom slamming the door on her laughing face.  
*  
“Okay, so I was thinking we could give a oral presentation along with a visual representation on how to put on a condom along with our written report and of course the necessary diagrams,” Stiles rushes out. Derek glances up from over his laptop. Stiles is red and appears to be for the first time since this strange little project began embarrassed. He feels a familiar flush rise and looks back down before answering.

“Sure, as long as you talk.” Stiles face scrunches up in confusion. 

“What-why?”

Derek sighs. He seriously hates his life. “I’m getting my braces tightened that morning.”

Stiles gestures for more.

Derek slides further down in his hair in an attempt to avoid all visual contact at all. 

“Ensuring I’ll have a lisps for class.”

Stiles giggles. “That’s adorable.” 

Derek sits up and glares from over the laptop. “Say that again and I’ll shove this pencil through your eye.”

Stiles sits him with a sardonic look. “You’re not fond of compliments are you?”

“If I called you a fluffy bunny would you be appreciative?”

“No, but now I know you like bunnies.”

“Yes, and kittens, I’ll add them to my wolf collection. Oh. Wait. They eat them. My bad,” Derek deadpans. Stiles rewards him with a full body chuckle, causing Derek to grin himself. Stiles pauses to look meaningfully at Derek. Derek raises his eyebrows in question. Stiles shrugs and leans forward.

“You dating anyone,” he asks, leaving Derek with whiplash from the subject change. Derek shakes his head, no. He starts typing again doing his best to concentrate on finishing the outline for his half of the essay before handing it to Stiles to write. Stiles writes the essays and does the oral report. Derek does the outlines, the half the research and the diagrams. Nice and even. Stiles is the perfect partner and it sets Derek’s intestines on fire at the thought.

“Oh,” Stiles says, dragging Derek from his thoughts. He continues to type but doesn’t stop himself from taking a look at Stiles. Nope still frustratingly hot.

“You’re smart, and funny, why doesn’t anyone want to date you?” Derek shrugs. Stiles continues, “Do you have anyone your crushing on and that’s why you aren’t dating anyone?”

Derek feels his whole face flush and slouches back down in his chair avoiding eye contact. Oh, Der, could you be anymore obvious, inner Laura whines. 

“Shut up,” Derek grumbles to himself.

“Oh, uh, sorry, didn’t mean to offend you,” Stiles says sadly, obviously overhearing Derek’s comment. Derek shoots up in his chair but Stiles is back to working and chewing on his pen cap. Derek feels like he should say something, but turns back to his computer, and finishes his work.  
*  
Stiles is staring at him again and it’s starting to move beyond uncomfortable to straight up creepy. Derek snaps his fingers in Stiles face. Stiles falls over backwards off Derek’s bed and onto the floor. He sits there in a daze before finally speaking.

“Um…You a Vegeta or Frieza fan,” he asks gesturing to the various Dragon Ball Z posters. 

Derek’s head cocks to the side confusion overriding his upper brain functions. They had been discussing the first signs of contraceptives in ancient Egypt, before Stiles zoned out. So sue him for not following the change of topics.

“Piccolo,” Derek answers. Stile rubs the back of his head and grins up at him.

“Goku forever and always.”

“Fool!”

“I’ll go super sayian on your ass you keep talking to me like that.” 

Derek grins and leans in closer. 

“You’ll never make it over 9000.”

Stiles laughs and leans closer. They are nose to nose. 

“Kamehameha.”

Stiles licks his lips then leans in the last inch of space. Their lips meet. It’s awesome. 

Then Stile reels back and falls over himself in the urge to get his stuff off the floor and get himself out the door. He stands awkwardly at the door a blush so strong it leads under his shirt and apologizes. Says that they have technically finished the project. They had. Says that they don’t really need to meet up until project day. They don’t. Then he leaves. Derek’s stuck in libido for a bit looking at where he once was. 

Right before bone-crushing rejection hits him like a falling piano, he sees a notebook with Captain America on the cover obviously not his. He’s more of a DC guy. He picks up the notebook and absently flips through it. He begins to grin like a maniac. Derek continues to grin even after Laura tackles him to the floor for molesting ‘the sweet luscious Stilinski.’ He’s still smiling from ear to ear when Cora jumps on top followed by Eric, then his cousin Philip and Felicia completing the dog pile of Hale children. He continues to grin through out the wrestling that erupts in what was once his own private bedroom. 

He continues smiling even while getting elbowed and kicked because Stiles Stilinski filled a notebook with love notes to Derek Hale.  
*

“So the part of putting on a condom that most people forget is to unroll it a bit before actually putting it on so it catches the semen,” Stiles explains, while demonstrating with a store bought condom. Derek watches him from the corner of the room he decided to stand in for the presentation. He’s willfully trying to drone him out by trying to think of why Stiles would freak out like that if he likes him instead of just staying and talking about it like a normal adult. After the initial euphoria that occurred when finding the notebook Derek thought himself into a frenzy trying to come up with logical explanation of Stiles reaction. The count has still reached a dramatic total of: NONE. 

Stiles continues instructing the blushing and giggling class while slowly unrolling the condom on Derek’s lunch. He said he had forgotten the phallic shaped food substance and it, in turn, had to be replaced by part of Derek’s lunch. Stiles had apologized and said he would return it as soon as the demonstration was over. As if he was going to eat the banana afterwards. Right.

Stiles is reaching the end of his lecture when Derek sees Mr. Ybarra hold up a red ‘F’ from the back of the class. He has enough time to think oh, shit, before Stiles turns their fairly informative research project into a horrifying act of revenge. 

“Well, now, that we know how to properly put on a condom it’s time to learn how to not break it when giving a blowjob,” Stiles says menacingly. Ybarra stands up to call it off, but Stiles already has half the banana in his mouth. Derek’s entire body flushes at the mental image then he faints. Like a completely and total wussie. He faints.  
*  
Derek sits straight up and starts to get up. There’s a hand on his shoulder stopping him but he continues to stand up and walk out of the classroom. He stumbles down the hallway thinking if he has enough money to run away to France. He has a passport and approximately two thousand stored up in collectibles in his room, not including the six hundred he has hidden under his bed. He needs to get out of here now. He needs to leave the country and never see any of these morons again. There is not a scale to level how mortified he is.

There’s a hand on his wrist turning him around and successfully tugging him out of his delusions of running to France.

“C'est quoi ce bordel?!” Derek questions accidentally in French turning around. There’s Stiles fucking Stilinski holding his arm and looking concerned. Derek’s face begins to darken. 

“You speak French,” Stiles sighs, then shakes off the thought and continues, “Are you okay? I didn’t expect you to faint. I mean I knew you were like homophobic and shit, but I didn’t know it was that bad. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t expecting that.” Derek narrows his eyes and squints trying to see pass the misconception. 

“Wha-“

“You don’t have to excuse yourself everyone’s curious I’m not offended by you testing yourself on me. I just don’t want to be treated as an experiment,” Stiles adds cutting him off, “I mean my crush is pretty obvious.” He blushes.

Derek purses his lips and looks heavenward asking any god for an explanation for this bit of miscommunication. Stiles must read him wrong and lets go backing away. Derek rolls his eyes and grabs him pulling him into an awkward kiss. Braces are hard to maneuver around. 

When Stiles pulls away, he looks awestruck. Derek does his best not to roll his eyes again.

“You’re an idiot,” he says bluntly.

Stiles glares at back at him.

“I justh pasthed out because the idea of your mouth on my cock was stho much my brain couldn’t handle it, and you think I’m a homophobic who’sth experimenting. Jesthusth, Sthiles I could kill you for being stho dumb. I—“ 

Stiles cuts him by grabbing his face and kissing him hard. They pull apart and Stiles has a cut on his lower lip. Derek winces in sympathy. 

“How long until those are off,” he asks looking angrily at Derek’s mouth.

“Um…Three monsth?” Derek answers.

“You really weren’t lying about that lisps thing,” Stiles says thoughtfully sucking on his cut. Derek shrugs his life is very rarely the epitome of romantic or sexy.

“Well,” Stiles says looking down at where his hands had snaked into Derek’s Spock shirt, “we’ll just have to work around that for the time being.”

He looks up. “How do you,” Stiles says pulling Derek down so his neck is level with his lips, “feel about hickey’s?”

Stiles breathe brushes against Derek’s skin. He shivers. Then his lips are biting into his skin. There’s no way he’s saying no to that.  
*  
They get detention for an entire month. They spend half the time macking on each other every time the teacher leaves the room. It’s totally worth the sullying of Derek’s perfect record.

**Author's Note:**

> Derek says "What the fuck/hell?" according to Google translator.


End file.
